A new minister at his first service was so nervous he could hardly speak. After the service, he asked the senior pastor how he had done. The elder minister replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So, the next Sunday he took the minister’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon returning to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:
- · Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
- · There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
- · There are 12 disciples, not 10.
- · Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
- · Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
- · The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and Spook.
- · David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
- · When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
- · We do not refer to the cross as the big T!
- · The recommended grace before meals is not: “Rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.”
- Lastly, next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
No comments:
Post a Comment